Southern United States English (SUSE) is North America’s most stigmatizedregionalized dialect, leading to generational decline and underrepresentation from characters in primetime television. This study explores the representation of SUSE features by 80 local news broadcasters in eight Southern affiliates, all outside major metropolises. This sociophonetic study surveys the PIN-PEN merger and Stages I and II of the Southern Vowel Shift (SVS) — /aɪ/ glide weakening and /e/-/ɛ/ proximity. The PIN-PEN merger was found to be widespread among broadcasters, with 49/80 (61%) having a PIN-PEN Pillai score less than 0.3, considered “merged”. /aɪ/ glide weakening was subtly present, despite being a marked SUSE feature: /aɪ/ was overwhelmingly diphthongal, but the median and Q3 variants (measured in Euclidean distance from 20% to 80% duration) ended in the lower half of the vowel space, showing a general lack of glide raising. Lastly, /e/-/ɛ/ proximity had marginal representation: Only 11/80 (14%) broadcasters had a non-sonorant /e/-/ɛ/ Pillai score less than 0.45, and the median Pillai score was 0.664, establishing that an advanced SVS is not typical. The best predictors for the PIN-PEN merger were attending a Southern college, being African American, and being male — all factors of socialization. Contrastingly, the (mutually exclusive) best predictors of /aɪ/ glide weakening were more products of stylization — occupational role and the subregion that hired the broadcaster (whether the audience was a ‘Deep South’ market). For /e/-/ɛ/ proximity, the interaction of gender and Southern college attendance was statistically significant, as only men with Southern college backgrounds generally had this apparently stigmatized feature. Age was not found to be significant for any feature, subverting expectations that younger speakers keep SUSE at ‘arm’s length’. TV market size was impactful for each feature but repeatedly (narrowly) missed the p=0.05 threshold for statistical significance. Sports anchors led in SUSE forms for each feature, showing SUSE as an asset; investigative reporters, however, had the least SUSE /aɪ/ and /e/-/ɛ/ variants. Gender had strong explanatory power for each feature, inferring that men tended to ‘lean in’ to SUSE’s positive solidarity traits, but women tended to incorporate SUSE less often due to its negative competency traits.