Grief Norms, Gender Norms An Intersectional Feminist Analysis of the Shaping of 'Acceptable' Grief in the United States

The process of pathologizing grief and othering grievers is historically situated in white supremacist, capitalist patriarchy and is reproduced socially. ‘Grief norms, gender norms’ explores and complicates the ways that grief and gender are co-constitutive; mediated by social norms; and reinforced through institutions like psychiatry and medicine, workplace policies, and public discourses around grief which all work together to create ‘acceptable’ structures of feeling. This dissertation uses a combination of in-depth, semi-structured interviews and digital grief content across two social media sites: Instagram and TikTok in order to explore various sites of this affective social reproduction and the multi-directional impact of gender and grief when studied side by side. This project is made up of three distinct, but thematically related sections: feminine embodied grief and masking; how the Widow is socially reproduced as ‘Other’; and the intimate publics of female grief influencers on Instagram. Each of these chapters explores a different aspect of the shaping of 'acceptable' grief through valences of gendered norms - which are already raced and classed - and explores the ways that those norms socializes individuals of all genders towards expectations about how grief 'should' be experienced and expressed. Feminine embodied grief is experienced beyond linear temporality, and felt sensationally and relationally. This means that grievers experiencing this kind of feminine embodied grief more readily rely on grief masking to 'pass' in non-grieving society. In the third chapter, the experience of the Widow is the primary focus. This chapter examines the social processes that render the Widow as 'Other', socially, and polices the active grief of the Widow through processes of isolation and exclusion. Each widow in this study experienced such othering, including John, whose partner died of AIDS in the 1990s. The end of this chapter explores his experience of ambiguous widowhood. The final chapter takes a wider view and focuses on the intimate publics formed by female grief influencers on Instagram. This chapter highlights two such influencers and the ways that the discourses about grief that they employ both disrupts and reinforces traditional, Western logics about 'acceptable' grief.