Voicing conditional forgiveness

The current study is the first qualitative investigation aimed solely at understanding what it means to communicate conditional forgiveness in serious romantic relationships. Conditional forgiveness is forgiveness that has been offered with the stipulation that the errant behavior cease. It is a provocative topic because some argue genuine forgiveness is not conditional, but recent discoveries that have associated its use with severe transgressions and relational deterioration suggest it is a critical site for investigation. This inductive analysis of open-ended data from 201 anonymous surveys identified both distinctions between and intersections of conditional forgiveness, forgiveness, and reconciliation. A relational dialectics analysis also revealed that reconcilable-irreconcilable was the overarching tension for conditional forgivers and six additional tensions also were also discovered: individual identity-couple identity, safety-risk, certainty-uncertainty, mercy-justice, heart-mind, and expression-suppression. Of particular intrigue, the current analysis supports the previous discovery of implicit conditional forgiveness--suppressing conditions, sometimes in response to physical and substance abuse. Ultimately, the current analysis contributes to the enduring conversation aimed at understanding the communication and pursuit of forgiveness and reconciliation. It addresses one of the basic instincts and paradoxes of existing with others--the balance between vulnerability and protection.